Lech Blaine

The Organic Type

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I never told anyone about the second time I watched a person die.

I was working at a bottle shop on Old Cleveland Road. The manager looked like a short, fat Gene Hackman. His name was Greg. He had the weary anger of a returned serviceman. Far as I could tell, the furthest he’d been was Phuket.

He always asked me things I had no way of knowing.

He said, ‘What the hell is wrong with young people these days?’

I said, ‘No idea, Greg.’

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Scum Mag

The underfed fled home on summer holidays. Invitations leaked out on Facebook. Boosters used words like shindig and soirée. This was a less obvious way of saying party. We were trained to overstate the hint and underestimate the open gesture. Obscurity was in vogue. The truth was yesterday’s newspaper.

I cut my losses and stayed inside. ‘I have too much on my many plates,’ I lied.

One night I came back to life. The air was warm and the sky was dark. Emily Clyde was having a party. Her place was an architect’s vague idea of a French château. I entered through the sliding gates, went around the side.

There was a well-lit crowd beneath a Bali hut in the backyard. I approached discreetly, found everyone how I’d left them. Tanned skin, teeth gleaming.

‘Surprise!’ I screamed.

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I Am Undisclosed


I’ll reserve the right to reduce my caloric intake. I’m a recovering fat child! White bread will kill you. 28% of the girls I’ve slept with were in a relationship. 18% were paid. I didn’t sign the petition for equal rights, but I did inhale. I’ve tasted three kinds of whale. Karaoke is for reactionaries. Various critics have described me as sexually lackluster. Diana was an inside job. I never got over the divorce. My bar mitzvah was a hoax. Life doesn’t live up to the hype. Death is better than a sharp poke in the eye. The gist is the bit that’s missing. I’m caught in the lens, bent out of shape, lent to your interpretation. Everybody sees me and nobody gets close. I am undisclosed.

The Newer York

Mechanical Birds

Holograms of dead

world leaders lectured

us on the importance of

environmentally friendly

disillusionment and we

nodded our heads yes.

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